


Hearts Keep Time

by backinthebox



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-27 17:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6293182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backinthebox/pseuds/backinthebox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There would be some groveling, she was sure. And bribery, plenty of bribery. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to resort to tears, but that was definitely a backup plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Second Chance

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Just Sex](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4801766) by [Knappster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knappster/pseuds/Knappster). 



> From the one-word/one-line prompts on Tumblr, which resulted in an actual story. How do you like them apples?

She’d been so relieved to leave, the last time she had been here, but now she was back and it felt a lot like home. 

She was romanticizing, she knew, but the option was to face facts and admit to her shortcomings, the stupid way she had left, and to do that was to invite questions she just wasn’t ready to answer. 

Aubrey sat on one of the benches outside the administrative offices of Barden University, staring at the printout that declared her a current student, the terms and conditions of her enrollment, the many ways Barden was once again the place that would dictate her schedule, for at least a year, and wondered just how good an idea this was. 

Oh, quitting her job to go back to school wasn’t the problem: she was awesome at the workplace, especially given how she was willing to sacrifice a social life in favor of working 50-hour work weeks. 

No, the problem was being back in Barden. 

The fact that she was describing it as a problem was telling. 

There would be some groveling, she was sure. And bribery, plenty of bribery. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to resort to tears, but that was definitely a backup plan. 

“It’s true!”

Aubrey’s head snapped up, and before she could react, she was being engulfed by familiar arms into a warm and tight hug. 

Very tight. 

Constricting. 

“Chlo—”

“You didn’t tell me you’d be here, deal with it.” Chloe replied flatly, even though she loosened her embrace a little. Very little. 

Just enough for Aubrey to relax and return the hug, wrapping her arms around her best friend. Things have been weird between them, ever since Chloe had announced she wouldn’t be graduating with Aubrey, but it had been Aubrey who disappeared off the grid after graduation. 

To be fair, work had been a major contributing factor. Long hours and a grueling work week kept her busy, and friendships and relationships had been sacrificed. 

Finally, Chloe released Aubrey, and eyed her critically. “What are you even doing here?”

“I’m officially a graduate student in Barden. How did you know I was here?” Aubrey asked.

“Jessica thought she saw you from across the quad.” Chloe answered, before she gasped, remembering something, and pulled out her phone and started typing a text message even as she continued to explain to Aubrey. “Right now not a few of the Bellas are doing a manhunt across campus for you. I got grad school duty since, you know, being a super senior, and all.”

“Still not graduating?” Aubrey asked warily, even though she had reconciled herself with Chloe’s choices and learned to accept it. Chloe made her own decisions, after all, and who was she to try and argue with that, especially since Chloe hadn’t said a word when she’d made her own foolhardy choices over a year ago.

Chloe glanced at her. “Still a bitch and a half?”

“Yes.”

“Yes.”

“But trying not to be.” Aubrey offered. 

Chloe looked at her for a long moment, trying to gauge her sincerity, before she finally sighed. “Well, at least yours isn’t seeing anybody serious.”

Aubrey winced. “Beca’s still dating that Jesse kid?”

“His name will suffice, you know.”

“I can call him ‘that Treblemaker’, but I guess my voice gets really mean and offensive when I say that.”

Chloe smiled fondly, because _same old Aubrey_ , and threw her arms around the other girl again. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I bet.”

Chloe stepped back. “Where are you staying?”

“I don’t know. I have two weeks to find a new apartment closer to school.”

“Stay at the house.”

“No.”

“Come on!”

“Chloe, no. I know how those girls get and I’m not going to get any studying done if I’m in that house.”

“Plus you’d probably just be drooling over Stacie all the time, right?” Chloe guessed.

Aubrey sighed. “I screwed that one up pretty badly, Chloe. I don’t think that’s an option anymore.”

Chloe frowned at her. “So you’re not even gonna try?”

“I mean, I’ll make amends, but I don’t think Stacie’s going to hand out second chances to me anytime soon.”

Chloe rolled her eyes. “Want me to talk to her?”

“Yes, and then tell me at which point she threatened you with your life.”

Chloe shook her head at Aubrey. “You’re such an awful human being sometimes. Fine, I’ll see where she is in the forgiveness spectrum. But you’ll owe me.”

“I love you, Chloe.” Aubrey cooed.

Chloe narrowed her eyes at Aubrey. “And that’s on top of all the bribery and groveling you already owe me for the past year.”

“I already said I love you!” Aubrey protested. 

“I’ll believe it when you make up with Stacie.” 

“That’s blackmail!”

“Then I guess you don’t have a choice now, do you?” Chloe returned, smiling brightly at Aubrey.


	2. That Isn't How This Works

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Daria reference, which probably carbon-dates me.

The first thing she noticed about the coffee shop was the mismatched furniture, indicating it was not a mere branch or franchise of a major chain. The interiors had a warm, comfortable feeling to it, and judging by the way people were curled up in arm chairs and groups were lounging on small couches, people were taking the comfort level to extremes.

The second thing she noticed was how quiet everything was, despite the fact that every table in the place was occupied; only the sounds of the espresso machine and the some light jazz playing in the background. There's no ambient noise of typing on keyboards, or people on their cellphones talking.

Stacie decided she liked the place, because anyone this dedicated to keeping their establishment clear of the usual collegiate clientele meant they weren't catering to what was popular, and probably took their coffee seriously.

But it wasn't until her coffee date stood up and left their table to place their coffee order at the counter, that she noticed something she wished she didn't.

At a far corner, by the window but away from the door, occupying a large armchair, sat Aubrey. On her lap and on the table in front of her were several of books, and the chair across from her sat her bag. Stacie tried to look away, but she couldn't help but watch as Aubrey read, simultaneously taking down notes, completely unaware that she was being watched.

Stacie looked away, and angled her seat so that if Aubrey were to ever glance in her direction, she would only see her back.

And wondered why she still cared.

Stacie knew about Aubrey returning to the Barden campus because Chloe couldn't shut up about it, even though she tried not to around Stacie. And it wasn't just Chloe, either, because for about a week it was all the Bellas could talk about, their former captain coming back for graduate school. Stacie could only grin and bear it, because not everybody knew exactly what had gone down between herself and Aubrey, and to be fair to Aubrey, she was doing a pretty good job of staying away from the Bellas and mostly just meeting up with Chloe.

But Stacie knew it was only a matter of time, and at least the first time she was seeing Aubrey since the older girl's graduation wasn't around the rest of the Bellas.

The question, as it had been since finding out Aubrey was going to be back on Barden University campus and she could be running into at any given moment, was if she was ready to face Aubrey.

And she should be paying attention to… Jack? Jake? Joey? Jeffy? Jamie? But her mind kept going back to the girl by the window.

At the end of the date, which Stacie ultimately decided wasn't going to go anywhere if she couldn't even be bothered to remember anything he had talked about, she decided to face down her own trepidation and confront Aubrey.

Aubrey, who was so engrossed in her book she didn't even notice Stacie hovering by her seat until Stacie tapped her shoulder.

Aubrey jumped, and looked up, startled. Seeing Stacie, she visibly paused, because, understandably, there was no real reason to expect Stacie to approach her. She closed her book and notebook, and motioned for Stacie to take the chair currently occupied by her bag. "Stacie."

Stacie sat down, handing the bag over to Aubrey, who placed it on the floor, and then she merely looked at Aubrey for a long moment, trying to figure out where to start.

Aubrey, to her credit, remained as still as possible, unsure of what to do or how to act.

Finally, Stacie spoke. "You're really here."

Aubrey sighed. "Yes."

Stacie nodded, mostly to herself, and admitted, "I talked to Chloe."

"I know."

Stacie glanced at her, and Aubrey held her gaze evenly, giving Stacie pause.

Because that was different. The last time they had been in the same room together, there had been too many issues between them, hurt feelings and words laden with regret, that it had been nearly impossible for them to stand being near each other, much less _look_ at each other. For Aubrey to be able to gaze upon her now, Stacie could only deduce that Aubrey had made her peace with what had gone down between them, over a year ago.

Stacie sighed, and allowed some of her defensive fight-or-flight responses to ease a little. "She says you wanted to talk to me?"

Aubrey paused at the question, unsure if Stacie was downplaying what Chloe could have asked, or if Chloe had deliberately been vague with her approach to Stacie, considering Aubrey's warning that Chloe asking Stacie about forgiving Aubrey could result in bodily harm, or at least threats of the same. "Yeah, I… I'm going to be around, because I'm trying to make it up to Chloe, too, and we might run into each other on campus, I don't want either of us to have to resort to avoiding things just so it won't be awkward."

Stacie laughed softly, if albeit bitterly. "Then maybe we shouldn't have started this in the first place."

Aubrey glanced down at the table, taking a pause from the conversation, before she looked back up and smiled faintly at Stacie. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Okay, that just wasn't fair. Stacie had replayed what had happened between them in what had once seemed like an endless loop, and Aubrey didn't get to make her feel bad about how they had ended. "Are you saying you feel differently?"

"I wouldn't trade a second of our time together for anything." Aubrey admitted.

Stacie frowned at her. "Really? Because you said—"

"I know." Aubrey cut her off. She sighed. "And I'm sorry. And that's why I want to clear the air between us."                

"You mean you want to clear the air between us about that time when I told you I liked you and asked you out and you said we were only having sex and the answer is no?" Stacie asked sharply.

Aubrey winced, because that was an incredibly simple way of putting it, although she had known, even back then, just how her words could be perceived. "Yeah, about that."

"Why?"

Aubrey's brow knit, and she looked at Stacie, confused.

Stacie shook her head. "You left, Aubrey. You were gone. And I get it, I do, you didn't owe me anything. But you walked away and now that you're back, what, you say you're sorry and everything's fine?"

"I say I'm sorry and we move on." Aubrey corrected.

Stacie flinched, and she frowned at Aubrey. "You mean you haven't?"

"I mean I need us to move beyond this impasse."

And that, Stacie knew, was the big issue. She gets it, she does, she truly understands what Aubrey was trying to communicate with this uneasy truce, but at the same time she knew it wouldn't be that easy. Because the reason for the impasse was bigger than something a mere apology could fix, and the fact of the matter was that Stacie knew it went beyond an apology from Aubrey to fix it.

Stacie looked down and took a deep breath, hoping her voice would remain steady when she said what she had to.

Aubrey leaned forward slightly in concern. "Stacie?"

"That isn't how this works."

"Sorry?"

Stacie looked back up, and smiled bitterly at Aubrey. "You broke my heart, Aubrey. This isn't something you can just say you're sorry for after walking away. And I know it's my fault, _I know it is_ , but you could have been kinder about it. You could have tried to be the better person. So, yeah, you're sorry. But you still hurt me, and that's just not something you can _just_ be sorry for."

"Stace—"

"But you're right." Stacie broke in, not letting Aubrey have her say, because if she did she didn't know if she would be able to say the rest that she wanted to. "You're Chloe's best friend, and I know Beca wants to have you around more to help with the Bellas. So you win, Aubrey, I'll see you around. I'll be civil, and won't be dramatic about it, but just so we're clear? You and me, we're not friends."

"But—"

"I'll see you at rehearsals." Stacie said simply, before getting up and leaving the coffee shop.

Aubrey, still stunned at the abrupt turn of their conversation, could only stare after her. After a moment or two, she blinked, and glanced around the shop, and was relieved to learn that the conversation had remained private despite Stacie's emotional outburst.

Because Stacie was right about one thing: she _could_ have been kinder.

She just hadn't known that the hurt went deeper than she originally thought.

 


	3. Pillow

She wishes for impossible things. She knows that. She wishes she was smarter, prettier, more clever, more likeable, less likely to stress out over trivial things.

She once wished that the girl who didn't believe in commitment would see past her facade and realize she was in love with her. And return her feelings.

That particular wish had been biting her in the ass since it first crossed her mind, but it was kind of nice to know that the impossible sometimes came true.

At a price, but what can you do?

Aubrey fell back onto Chloe's bed, took her pillow, and screamed into it.

Chloe watched from the other bed in the room, the one belonging to her roommate, She Who Must Not Be Named, and rolled her eyes. "I thought you were kidding about how much she hated you, but you _weren't_ kidding, were you?"

Aubrey lifted the pillow slightly just enough for Chloe to hear her speak clearly. "Smother me with this pillow. _Please_."

"I just got you back, so that's not happening." Chloe told her.

Aubrey covered her face with the pillow once more, and again screamed into it.

Chloe glanced around her room, trying to figure out how to fix this, but she had known, from the moment she'd first learned about what was going on, that there were just some things she couldn't fix for her friends, which is the only reason why she had to let Aubrey and Stacie figure their situation out for themselves.

Of course, if either of them had told her sooner, maybe things wouldn't have imploded the way it had, but one didn't choose these things.

They had just finished rehearsals for the Barden Bellas, and for most of the session things had been okay, if a little strained between Aubrey and Stacie, and saying they had been polite would be an understatement. But when they got to the one-on-ones, despite the fact that Stacie was working with Beca, Aubrey's completely innocuous statement – "oh, make sure you work on her breath control" – quickly devolved into a sniping match between… okay, Chloe was just going to say they were ex-lovers, because that's what they were, even if they both denied it.

Because that was the root of the problem, and Chloe hated that she was the only one who knew it. For the rest of the Bellas, who in the immediate aftermath of the Aubrey-Stacie showdown automatically sided with Stacie, the strained relationship was because of Aubrey, and although over the course of the year Stacie had amended some of that belief, it still wasn't the whole story.

And Aubrey, who was used to being the villain in their freshman Bellas' lives, hadn't tried to defend herself, or try to explain exactly what had happened.

So all that everyone knew was that Aubrey and Stacie had been friends with benefits without their friends knowing, and when feelings got involved, Aubrey had bailed.

To be fair, when Aubrey bailed, she was right to point out that she was graduating, and she reasonably couldn't see how she could pursue a relationship when she didn't know what life after Barden would be like. It was a cop-out, sure, but what nobody but Chloe knew was that Aubrey had been cutting her losses, too.

Because, as Aubrey admitted later on, she would rather Stacie hated her with the passion she did now, than fade out into obscurity as just another one of her conquests.

And it was unfair to Stacie, for Aubrey to think of their relationship that way, but Chloe couldn't discount the fact that it wasn't entirely out of the realm of reason, to believe it.

So she'd kept her mouth shut.

And she'd kept her mouth shut when Aubrey pulled further and further away after graduation, because it was _just like Aubrey_ to ensure that she didn't put Chloe on the spot for being her friend while living with the rest of the Bellas, especially Stacie.

Which, in retrospect, was probably why she and Stacie gravitated towards each other, when it came to rooming arrangements and when the Bellas hung out. They both missed Aubrey, and they gravitated towards the only other person around who understood that feeling.

They both missed her, but they never talked about her. Chloe knew that the wounds were fresh for Stacie, and Aubrey had chosen to walk away, so what was the point in picking at it? And Stacie knew it was her fault Chloe's best friend had disappeared into the ether, so she never mentioned it.

But now Aubrey was back, and all those feelings, everything that they hadn't been allowed to say, were coming to the fore, and the worst part – the absolutely worst part – is that whatever it was that made Aubrey decide to come back to Barden, it was enough for her to be willing to accept the accusations and ill feelings, without retaliation.

And it made everyone feel like a tool, because Aubrey was obviously trying, and had matured to the point to be willing to listen, and not resort to her dictatorial style of leadership, and the two people she had hurt the most were left trying to figure out where they fit in.

Aubrey's relationship with Chloe went far beyond the simplicity of her disappearing act, or of Chloe's decision to stay in Barden past the original four years, so it was easier for them to make up for lost time and pick up where they had left off. Their friendship had survived petty jealousies and roommate squabbles and three previous Barden Bella captains, including the horror year that had been Alice's leadership, so they had a fairly solid foundation to start from.

Stacie was a different story, and Chloe could only crawl into her bed and hold Aubrey, because she knew, despite Aubrey's brave face and iron will, _she knew_ Aubrey was hurting, knowing the girl she liked hated her enough to say outright that she had to be forced to be _civil_ , to just be around her.

 And she hated that she knew that Aubrey wouldn't cry, not here, not in the room where Stacie could walk in at any moment, although the rest of the Barden Bellas had taken Stacie out for a snack, to give Aubrey and Chloe some time alone. They had opted for the Bella House because Aubrey's apartment was a longer walk away, and Chloe had known instinctively that Aubrey needed to let out her frustration, lest she ended up punching a wall and breaking her hand.

Chloe sighed, tightening her hold on Aubrey, feeling the short breaths that wracked her best friend's frame, the telltale signs of a panic attack valiantly being attempted to be kept at bay. " _Now_ are you going to tell me the full story of what happened?"

Aubrey chuckled lowly, if hollowly. "No."

"Bree."

"You know the basics, you know enough."

"There's just something you're not telling me, because this doesn't look like a casual relationship turned sour."

Aubrey laughed bitterly. "You know what's funny? In most cases, friends with benefits developing feelings and becoming more than just friends _wouldn't_ be described as having 'turned sour'. But not this time, no. Not this time: Not for me and Stacie. No, _I_ get to have the girl who's afraid of commitment and anything beyond the physical to fall in love with me, and hate me for it."

Chloe paused, before asking, "Did she?"

"What?"

"Did she fall in love with you?"

"She says I broke her heart."

"You don't believe her?"

A shuddering sigh ran through Aubrey's body, and complete and utter defeat marked her frame as she buried her face further into Chloe's shoulder. "I don't know."

"Aubrey."

"I don't know, Chloe." Aubrey admitted, leaning back so she could look Chloe in the eye.

Chloe wondered what it was about Stacie Conrad that could create such turmoil and weakness in the iron will of Aubrey Posen.

"She made it clear - she made it impossible to be anything _but_ clear - that it was just sex between us. She went so far as to try to end it between us if feelings got involved." Aubrey confided. "And then she went and turned around and asked if I thought we had a chance beyond being friends with benefits, and what was I supposed to say? I was graduating, I was leaving. We were intimate, but it was never… that was never on the table. And I'm supposed to believe her, all these months later, when she tells me it went beyond just her liking me? I'm just supposed to believe that she loved me?"

Chloe paused, frowning, because there was a question, nagging at the back of her brain, and through Aubrey's outburst, the words took shape.

She loved Aubrey, really, but she had to ask.

"Bree…" Chloe looked at Aubrey, trying to be the unfailingly, unconditionally supportive and loving best friend - and hoped Aubrey knew she was speaking out of that love and support and not out of morbid curiosity – and asked softly, "Did you love her?"


	4. Chapter 4

Working with Beca these days made Aubrey regret having been so antagonistic towards the younger girl when she had been captain of the Barden Bellas (although Beca had returned the favor in kind, so they were on even ground when it came to their antagonistic past), and it's Beca who intervened and did her best to make sure that confrontations between Aubrey and Stacie didn't interrupt rehearsals again.

Mostly, Beca and Chloe worked with Aubrey away from the rest of the Bellas, except when really necessary. Since Aubrey was really around to do breakdowns and to vet the set list in relation to the audience, she really only needed to show up for rehearsals when they start working on a song, and when the performance is complete and ready for a run-through.

In other words, Aubrey didn't have to see the rest of the Bellas most of the time, and she was eternally grateful for Beca for doing what she could to keep her away from Stacie, because avoidance had become her mode of operation when it came to Stacie. Even when they were in the same room.

Beca didn't really understand why, not knowing the whole story, but she understood Aubrey in ways they both didn't really like to talk about, and being one of Stacie's best friends, she just wanted to make sure they were both okay.

They were in the Music building one Friday night, listening to a selection Beca's mixes that she was thinking of using for the semifinals, and they were debating on how to break the songs down to ten voices.

Having won their quarterfinals a few weeks previous, the rest of the Barden Bellas were still celebrating their victory, and in fact were out clubbing that night, but Beca wanted to get started on breaking down their set for the semifinals because she knew that Aubrey's work load, being in graduate school, would only get increasingly heavier as they got closer to midterms, which was around the same time the semifinals were going to be. Point of fact was that Aubrey was already getting harder to set appointments with, what with her school work and part-time job, and having her for a few hours that evening was well worth skipping out on a club for drinks and dancing.

Chloe had sent an invitation to Aubrey, too, but Aubrey was keeping well away from Stacie these days.

And while Beca might be willing to let sleeping dogs lie, Chloe was a whole other story.

Chloe kept on sending messages to both of her friends, trying to see which one would give in to her sooner, and if Beca had been with anyone else but Aubrey, she would have been at the club with the rest of the Bellas already. But since she _was_ with Aubrey, and finding time for her to sit for a few hours was almost impossible lately, Beca wasn't so quick to take Chloe up on her invitation.

And Aubrey knew Chloe was just trying to get her and Stacie in the same room, with alcohol involved, since Aubrey was a ridiculously affectionate (read: lust-fueled) drunk who treated vodka like a truth serum.

And Stacie, around five drinks in, pretty much stopped caring who she was dancing with.

After all, that was how this whole mess started.

When Aubrey's phone rang, both she and Beca looked at each other, because Chloe had been keeping true to just sending messages; she was trying to cajole her best friends into joining them at the club, but she understood that what they were doing was important, and didn't want to interrupt them too much. For Aubrey's phone to ring meant something was up.

"Chloe?" Aubrey asked in lieu of a greeting, having checked the Caller ID.

"We lost Stacie." Was Chloe's opening, and she immediately had Aubrey's attention.

"What do you mean?" Aubrey asked, turning on the loudspeaker to let Beca hear Chloe, too.

"We, uh, we kinda got kicked out?" Chloe mused. "There was a thing with Fat Amy, and Lilly almost set the bar on fire." She continued, making Aubrey roll her eyes and Beca to close her own, trying to find inner peace. "Anyway, I got most of the girls out, but I can't find Stacie, and they won't let me back in."

"And you're calling me because--?"

"Because this isn't just another college bar and I don't know what these people are like." Chloe told her. "Beca will get carded if it's her, but they'll be too scared to even ask you for ID."

Aubrey glanced at Beca, who shrugged in concession because what Chloe had said was true, and sighed. "Where are you?"

To be fair to Chloe, she was absolutely right about the fact that despite being dressed down in a pair of jeans, compared to the more fashionable people in line, nobody dared to question her when Aubrey stormed up to the front of the line and demanded to be let inside. A brief whispered exchange with the bouncer had her inside almost immediately.

It was like being transported to a year previous, only it wasn't a fraternity house and the room was significantly darker than any of Barden's students' housing's living rooms. Lowered inhibitions, vodka-as-truth-serum and five-drinks-and-party tendencies aside, Aubrey knew exactly how she and Stacie got into this mess, and it wasn't alcohol, or Stacie's commitment phobia, or even Aubrey making impossible demands from the world.

It was because she and Stacie gravitated towards each other in a manner far beyond their understanding, and even now, even with all the issues that kept them apart, Aubrey took one glance around the interior of the club and zeroed in on the girl on the dance floor, dancing with everybody and nobody at the same time.

If Aubrey had to guess, Stacie was well past five drinks.

Conundrum: did she dare approach Stacie now, and put an end to her night, or wait until she was ready to leave, and escort her home?

The problem was solved barely a minute later, when some guy got really close to Stacie and kept breaching her personal space, even after she turned away from him to dance with someone else.

Aubrey was stalking across the dance floor before she knew it, watching with increasing ire as the guy started pushing off anyone who tried to get close to Stacie, while the girl herself just looked pissed at having her night ruined.

At least Aubrey could take comfort in the fact that she wasn't going to be the first one to ruin Stacie's night.

"Hey."

Stacie turned quickly, and when her vision confirmed who had spoken, stared at Aubrey. "Bree?'

 _Bree._ Stacie was _definitely_ past five drinks.

Aubrey nodded. "Want to get out of here?"

Stacie nodded, and took Aubrey's hand without question. "Yes."

One thing that Aubrey had realized quickly about Stacie, even then, was she faked sober better than most people, except when she was well and truly drunk and motor coordination became an issue.

Aubrey had no idea if Stacie was drunk, or was willingly compliant as Aubrey led her out of the club, but when they got outside and Aubrey was leading towards her car, Stacie answered that question by jumping, as if startled, and jerking their entwined hands back as she abruptly stopped walking. "Shit! I forgot The Bellas!"

"It's fine." Aubrey reassured her. "They're home, they got kicked out."

"Who kicked them?" Stacie asked. She frowned suddenly. "Wait, you weren't here earlier."

"No." Aubrey confirmed. "Chloe called when they got kicked out. I guess Lilly set the bar on fire?"

Stacie laughed, and then stopped when she realized, "wait, like, literally?"

Aubrey shrugged, freeing her hand to retrieve her keys and unlock the door on the passenger side, holding it open and waiting for Stacie to get in.

Stacie wordlessly got into the car, tossed her clutch onto the dashboard, and fastened her seat belt, in a series of movements so familiar that Aubrey could almost pretend this was over a year ago, back when she and Stacie hooked up regularly, when Aubrey would take a break from finishing her school work and those breaks usually included picking up Stacie from whatever party she was attending that evening and they took advantage of the fact that Stacie's roommate was pretty much living with her boyfriend off-campus.

But it wasn't, and Stacie's question when Aubrey sat on the driver's seat of her car proved it.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

Aubrey stalled, unsure of how to take that question, or even how to answer it, since saying she was nice to everyone was a lie, and to single Stacie out was inviting complications that Aubrey didn't want to deal with.

So she deflected. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Stacie scoffed, and looked out her window.

She hated to say it, but Aubrey could concede to Stacie's unspoken point.

 


	5. Chapter 5

What she never told anyone, and Stacie was surprised Aubrey never told Chloe, either, was that Aubrey had been the one to develop feelings first.

They were friends first, that was something that always got lost in the narration, and sometimes she forgot how nice it had been to just be friends with Aubrey, how they had mutually rolled their eyes at the ineptitude of Beca to realize Chloe had feelings for her, or how she always made sure Aubrey found the humor in the wild and reckless behavior of their fellow Barden Bellas. It was the underlying attraction and the mild flirtation of their friendship that created a spark between them, and once alcohol got included in the picture, it resulted in not a few nights (and, okay, a few days) of reckless passion.

Feelings, and more-than-friendly emotions, weren't supposed to have been part of the equation.

Stacie didn't know the exact nature of those feelings, only that one day, maybe two months after they first started hooking up, Aubrey had asked her out, just to hang out, just to see if there could be something more between them than a physical relationship between friends. And Stacie had shot that down pretty quickly, and had told Aubrey that if emotions got involved, they were going to have to end what was going on between them.

Aubrey avoided her for a week after that. It was near the winter break, and Aubrey was working on a class project, so Stacie took her at her word that she was just busy, and that it had nothing to do with what Stacie had said.

They started hooking up again almost immediately after the project was submitted, and Stacie thought that was the end of it.

But one night, knowing Aubrey's weakness with vodka and during one of their rare overnights, Stacie had asked what made Aubrey change her mind about exploring a deeper relationship.

And Aubrey had admitted that she had used her class project to buy herself some time, to bury her feelings, to get past the sensation that she and Stacie could be anything more, and ultimately decided that she didn't really mind their current casual-only relationship, since they were friends anyway, and since she was graduating in a few months, it was probably better to keep things at a shallow level.

It should have been reassuring, to know she and Aubrey were on the same page.

Instead, whenever she thought about that conversation, all Stacie could think of was the fact that it had taken Aubrey all of _a week_ , to decide it would be better not to add depth to their relationship.

It didn't help that with everything going on with the Barden Bellas, and Chloe refusing to be caught in between Aubrey and Beca's conflict, Stacie began spending more time with Aubrey beyond just at rehearsals or in bed, and whenever they hung out, especially when Aubrey was so pissed off about the Barden Bellas that she refused to talk about it, Stacie kept wondering if that was what it would be like to date Aubrey for real. When Aubrey picked her up from parties to hang out and hook up, Stacie started to think maybe dating someone for real wouldn't be so bad, if it was Aubrey.

And then they won the ICCA Finals, and the drunken revelry of their celebration had resulted in them sleeping together, without having sex.

It had been a revelation, the next morning, as Stacie reveled in sharing the same pillow with someone, waking up to Aubrey's arms around her, and even though it wasn't the first time it had happened, it was the first time they had spent the night without having sex, and Stacie wondered why she had fought the feeling for so long. They had lounged around in bed the morning after before, but those cuddles were never like this, and it had melted all her defenses.

But she hadn't said it then, nor did she say it during any of the times they hooked up afterwards, a part of her wanting to enjoy it before talking to Aubrey about it and making it real, and another part of her wanting to make sure that her feelings were real, and not a result of some post-victory high.

It was a few days after graduation, and they were in Stacie's room, because hooking up one last time seemed like a good way to end the school year – to mark Stacie's successful freshman year, and to cap off Aubrey's collegiate life – and it had resulted in another sleepover, which Stacie was admittedly getting used to. What she wasn't used to was morning-after sex, and maybe it was the endorphins, or maybe the thought of Aubrey really leaving, but whatever it was, it was enough to make Stacie ask Aubrey out on a date.

After all, Aubrey was staying in Atlanta with the job offer she had received from the company where she had done her internship on and off over her collegiate years, and Stacie was due back in a mere few short weeks because The Barden Bellas had an ICCA tour to kick off.

The difference in Aubrey had been jarring: in the way she had almost immediately started getting dressed, and the coldness of her demeanor as she recounted to Stacie all of Stacie's arguments over the past year exactly why she didn't believe in commitment and relationships and, in an exceptionally horrifying display of cruelty, shot back Stacie's exact speech, from all those months ago, on why things had to end if emotions got involved.

Since then Stacie had been with other people, and had mostly come to terms with what had happened.

Until Aubrey came back and all those feelings – the lust, the comfort, the want, and need, and the complete humiliation that her feelings for Aubrey were all tied into – came rushing back. The fact that she had first found out about Aubrey's return to the Barden University campus was when Chloe asked her about making peace with Aubrey hadn't helped.

Because a part of her wanted to have been even partly considered; for Aubrey to have at least had the courtesy to see her first, instead of having Chloe do the dirty job of extending a figurative olive branch for her.

Because she had put her heart on the line, and Aubrey had stomped all over it.

She'd thought she had been doing the right thing, at least for herself, when she'd told Aubrey that she would be civil, if they had to spend time together as part of the Barden Bellas, but they weren't friends. She couldn't be friends with someone who could hurt her the way Aubrey had, and she knew anyway that she couldn't ever just be friends with Aubrey again. Not anymore.

She might have exaggerated her ability to remain civil, and she knew she hadn't helped matters by openly parading her conquests around the Bellas, but even after all this time, she felt the need to have the upper hand when it came to Aubrey.

So it should have been a relief, when Aubrey stopped attending rehearsals until Beca deemed it absolutely necessary, and Aubrey got really good at avoiding Stacie, even when they were in the same room.

But the funny thing about missing someone was that you don't realize just how much you miss them until something happens to remind you of what it was like to have them around, and for Stacie, it was waking up on her bed, alone, and remembering the previous evening, when she'd held Aubrey's hand and it had felt like the world clicked into place.

Remembering all those times she had held Aubrey's hand when they were just friends with benefits and had taken it for granted. Remembering how Aubrey always made sure, whenever they entered or left a place, to extend a hand to Stacie, a blind gesture of reassurance that Stacie wondered Aubrey was even aware of.

 Because the problem had never been that Aubrey didn't care: it was because she had cared too much, and Stacie had taken that away from her, and had left her with no other choice but to put walls of defense around her heart, taking only what Stacie was willing to give her, twisting that affection to the point of cruelty; and when Stacie had been ready to face the truth, Aubrey had no idea just what that was anymore.

And the question – "Why are you being so nice to me?" – was asking for a truth that she had taken away from Aubrey a long time ago.

Chloe was beside her almost immediately after the tears started, offering words of comfort Stacie didn't know if she really deserved, but the best thing about Chloe was that when it came to her friends, she offered no judgment, and was unconditional in the way she cared about the people she loved.

She was a mess. It was all a mess. Everything was so messed up that figuring out how to fix things was impossible at this point.

And Chloe – because Chloe had been best friends and had lived with one of the most reticent, recalcitrant and obstinate of people for over four years – knew a sign of weakness when she saw it, and asked, like a good friend would, "Want to talk about it?"

"No." Stacie grumbled, but started talking, anyway.

So engrossed in her own misery and self-pity, she missed Chloe's expressions of horror and pity, mixed with her constant sympathy. At the end of her retelling, though, Chloe asked the question she seemed to be asking a lot, lately.

"Yeah, she broke your heart, although I don't think she knew that at the time, but," Chloe glanced beside her at Stacie, who looked more sullen than she'd ever seen her, "did you love her?"

Stacie hugged her pillow tightly to her chest, and after a long moment, of which Chloe had begun to wonder if Stacie would answer, finally nodded.

Chloe paused and looked away, thinking about that, before she turned back to Stacie and asked, "Do you still? Do you love her now?"

It came quietly, reverently, the way giving the truth and making the sentiment real should be.

"Yes."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this (and continuing to read this) even when you wanted to look away, all you awesome nerds. Here's the last chapter.
> 
> To the people who posted the original prompts: I'm so sorry for taking the fluffy away from you.

The last thing Aubrey expected to find on Saturday afternoon, halfway through her jogging route, was exactly what was at the side of her halfway mark - the abstract sculpture at the side entrance of Barden's sports complex - with a water bottle in hand. Aubrey slowed her steps, hesitantly approaching the sculpture, and Stacie immediately stood up when she caught sight of Aubrey.

There were a slew of questions – How did Stacie know where Aubrey would be at this time? What was she doing there? Why now? Why so soon after the previous evening's events? – and any of them could be voiced at that moment; but given their recent history, they would probably be taken completely out of context and misinterpreted and result in another shouting match.

Aubrey nodded briefly at Stacie, acknowledging her presence, and after an exchanged glance conveyed that Stacie came in peace, Aubrey approached the younger woman, if a little reluctantly.

It was still a small victory, and Stacie knew it.

"Chloe told me about your route," Stacie finally started, handing Aubrey the bottled water. "She told me to wait, but I wanted to thank you, for last night."

"It's fine." Aubrey replied. "It was nothing."

Stacie frowned at her. "Aubrey, I was drunk and we both know that guy was going to go too far at one point. It wasn't 'nothing'."

Aubrey exhaled, and nodded briefly.

"And I want… _needed_ to talk to you, before I chickened out."

Aubrey took a sip from the bottle, and wondered if the water was supposed to be some kind of peace offering, or if Chloe had advised Stacie to bring it. "Wait for what?"

"I don't know." Stacie admitted. "For us to be at least a little bit more friendly before we talk about this?"

"About what?" Aubrey asked. She didn't even need to ask why Stacie believed they would have eventually become friendlier, because few things in life were certain, and having to become civil and more amiable was a given when someone drives you home, no questions asked, after a bad night out.

Stacie frowned at her. "About us."

"Us?" Aubrey echoed.

"Aubrey."

"I'm confused." Aubrey admitted, leaning against one of the handrails of the steps and gazing at Stacie. "You were pretty adamant to the contrary."

"Aubrey, please." Stacie looked at her earnestly. "Please don't dismiss this." Before Aubrey could interject, Stacie went on, "I know I once told you to, but I'm asking you now, please don't."

Aubrey sighed. "I'm not, I'm just saying, you can't decide whether or not we're anything on a whim. You can't tell me that we're not friends, but you'll be civil, and then start snapping at me how there's a line of people who would attest to exactly how good your breath control is. Or make a deliberate show of having any one of your fuck buddies drop you off or pick you up at rehearsals when you know I'll be there. You tell me I broke your heart, and I understand that, but you can't expect me not to be hurt when you know you asked me to break mine first."

Stacie took her post on the handrail alongside Aubrey, angling her body so she could look at the blond. "I'm not saying it makes things right, but I was young and stupid."

"That's not a good enough reason."

Stacie exhaled. "Maybe I still am."

Aubrey folded her arms in front of her chest, and shook her head. "We all are, but you can't use that to justify your behavior."

"Yeah, well, but you got over it, didn't you?" Stacie retorted, feeling her defenses rise with her annoyance.

Aubrey eyed her wearily. "Stacie…" 

Stacie shook her head. "It took you a week to get over your feelings for me, Aubrey. _A week._ Was I that easy to get over?"

"You think I got over you?" Aubrey asked bluntly.

Stacie froze as Aubrey's words sank in, realizing the exact depth of this mess she had already thought was pretty deep. "What? No. No, Aubrey, you said—"

"I said what you wanted to hear." Aubrey said quietly. "What I thought I had to, because I wanted you."

"Aubrey—"

"You told me we couldn't be anything more than friends with benefits, and I accepted that. Why else do you think didn't I bring it up ever again?"

"But I asked you—"

"And I told you. I buried my feelings, in what turned out to be a shallow grave, but I did it: I got over the belief, or the hope, that we could be anything more. I took what you wanted out of our relationship, and reconciled it with mine, and found a common ground that I could live with." Aubrey reminded. "Why do you think I took it as badly as I did when you turned it around and decided we could try to be more? It took everything in me to be what you wanted, and it wasn't enough, not for you."

"But that didn't give you the right to say what you did!" Stacie shot back. "To use my own words against me… right after we had sex, Aubrey! Do you know how _used_ I felt?"

"I know! And I'm sorry. And I always _will_ be sorry about that. That's how I knew I wasn't going to be good enough for you. That's why I had to walk away. That's why I didn't try to fix it then, even though I knew how I felt and wanted to try, exactly like you wanted us to." Aubrey explained. "Because that was supposed to be a safe place, _sex_ is supposed to be a safe space, and I turned that against you. I love you, but what good is it if I can hurt you that way?"

For the second time in so many minutes, Stacie froze, and gaped at Aubrey. "Wait, what?"

Aubrey stopped, too, confused at Stacie's sudden change in demeanor. "What?"

"You love me?"

Aubrey paled, quickly looking away, and fought down the taste of bile on the back of her throat, because _so not the time_ , and she can't believe she'd said that.

Because she had spent the better part of the past year, even two, burying that truth. When she had misguidedly asked Stacie out, two years ago, it had been borne out of a desire to explore what else their relationship could be, because she had refused to believe their chemistry was merely sexual. When Stacie had turned her down, and told her that if she pursued the thought, they would have to end things, Aubrey had examined her feelings, and realized exactly _what_ her feelings were. But the options were to have them unrequited, and risk the possibility of losing Stacie as a friend altogether, or to bury those feelings and continue to have Stacie in her life, if albeit in a shallow relationship.

It hadn't been much of a choice. And the more she hung out with Stacie, and learned more about her friend, the more she had been relieved that she hadn't lost the younger woman as a friend, even if she occasionally felt pangs of loneliness, that despite how much she treasured their friendship, that was all they could be.

She had made peace with that fact, by the time graduation rolled around, because she knew how hard the first year out of college was going to be, and she knew she wouldn't be able to sustain a relationship. But she'd been glad that at least she would have her friends to fall back on when things got rough.

And then Stacie went and asked her out, saying that she liked her maybe more than just as a friend, and Aubrey had panicked.

Yes, she knew she could have been kinder. But to have something she'd wished for all year long, said casually, even blithely, mere hours after a party celebrating graduation and the end of the school year, after sex they had both joked around and called "one for the road", and something in her had _snapped_.

And it wasn't until she had gotten to her own room, and seen her packed suitcase and boxes and her cap and gown and diploma holder on her bed, that she had realized exactly what she had done.

At the Bellas' farewell party, still too overwhelmed with guilt and shame, she had stayed only for as long as was polite and checked out the minute she felt her absence would go unnoticed. And pretty much _stayed_ checked out, concentrating on work and her job and on her life outside of Barden, until one day Barden offered her a discount to take her Master's degree, provided she took a part-time job in the administration office.

Which she had taken as a sign to make amends, with both her best friend whom she'd basically abandoned the minute Chloe told her about staying a little longer in college for verbally-unspecified reasons, and the girl whom she had hurt callously, out of her own sense of self-preservation.

She had never expected to learn that Stacie asking her out had been borne out of more than a willingness to try for a deeper relationship. This entire time Aubrey had believed that when Stacie had asked her out on a date, she had merely reached the same point that Aubrey had been when _she_ had asked Stacie out; that dating would have been likened to an exploratory mission. She hadn't thought that Stacie's feelings went beyond that. She had certainly never expected Stacie to have loved her then.

Which brought them here and now, and Aubrey had just blurted out the secret she had only ever told Chloe, and that was only because she had needed Chloe to understand why Stacie's history of casual relationships and present willingness to hurt her wounded as deeply as it did. And she had told Chloe that while it had hurt deeply then, when she had learned that she loved Stacie, it still stung to realize that while she had made peace with never having those feelings requited, it didn't exactly mean that the feelings went away.

Stacie knew the moment Aubrey's fight-or-flight reflex activated, and she immediately grabbed Aubrey's hand to keep her from bolting. "Bree, wait."

Aubrey stopped, and looked down at their joined hands as if it were an object of curiosity, but Stacie didn't let go. She looked up at Stacie questioningly. "Stacie…"

"Why did you want me to forgive you?" Stacie asked. Because the way they had parted had been brutal to their relationship, and they both knew that the simple act of apologizing and the hoped-for forgiveness wouldn't be enough to fix what had been broken. So why had Aubrey even asked?

"Because I want my friend back." Aubrey admitted, with a deep sigh. As she spoke, her voice became more and more conciliatory, even wistful. "Not even the girl I was sleeping with, just… you. Just to have you around again, with all the sexual innuendo in the most random of comments, and the vast collection of scientific or historical facts you spout to answer rhetorical questions. I've accepted my feelings, and I'm sure whatever feelings you may have had for me are probably non-existent by now after what I did, but I just wanted to have my friend again, because more than anything, I'm sorry that I did anything to lose your friendship."

Stacie sighed, because hearing that, _knowing that_ , it gave her ultimatum to Aubrey, from that day in the coffee shop, an added layer of self-recrimination, because it gave a new level of understanding to why Aubrey had steered clear of her, instead of trying harder to make amends.

Stacie sighed, and grumbled, mostly to herself, "God, I hate you so much right now."

Aubrey scoffed. "Only now?"

Stacie looked at her. "I don't hate you, Aubrey. I never did. But you hurt me, like, _a lot_ , and it was easier to believe that I hated you than to consider the fact we did what we did to each other."

Stacie took a deep breath, and hoped she would get through and say everything what she wanted to convey, and that none of it would be misunderstood. "I know things are incredibly screwed up—" she ignored Aubrey's quiet scoff of incredulity at the understatement, "—and we're so good at hurting each other, so fixing it's going to be tough; and we might be a bomb waiting to blow up, considering how we got here," she continued. She looked down at their hands, fitting her fingers in the negative spaces of Aubrey's own and tightening her hold, as if the gesture, and the mere touch of each other, would help with what she wanted to tell Aubrey. "I talked to Chloe, and I think there's something you don't understand."

"Understand about what?" Aubrey asked softly.

"When I tell you that you broke my heart, I know you think it's because I loved you _then_." She looked up at Aubrey. "It isn't past tense."


End file.
